dispersed insides

my staple now.

shopped for an alarming amount of hours today,

and i bought NOTHING!!! (much.) met up with chang in the afternoon for lunch at pepperlunch after a desperate craving for hokkaido icecream hehheh-__-' and out of all the suay-ness in the world, while trying to open the packet for disposable chopsticks i accidently scraped a length of skin about 1cm+long and half a cm wide off my left index finger right above the nail. OAO and with the nail on my right index finger(which was barely 1mm long-__- how did that happen). it was all really surreal because it happened so fast and dint hurt at all. even though i had a bloody finger all the time while walking to watsons and getting antiseptic+plasters, the cashier leisurely took his own sweet time=( (although it dint really matter, because it dint hurt remember.) the bad luck is that when i got back, my salmon cream pasta was kinda dehydrated and overcooked already ;__; my right hand doesnt like my left hand much. thank god i dont have to chiong drawing already, otherwise GOOD JOB. then after that and walking around and dessert at xinwang@cine, we kinda scoured through all the shops at cine and heeren looking for nothing in particular. bumped into yeetien and jiaqi along the way and i surprised myself by still remembering their names. thenTHENTHEN i coincidentally saw the limited edition SANTA RAITO figurine at cine!!!!! at 49.90. was so excited for nothing, haha, because they dint seem to have L. TOO CUTE TO BE STILL AVAILABLE. at heeren we probably walked through almost every shop+ spent lots of time at the jROCK section in HMV. chang and me were torn between wad to get, the list included ABINGDON BOYS SCHOOL(!!!)+L'ARC~EN~CIEL(kiss)+MALICE MIZER+THE BRILLIANT GREEN+LUNA SEA+LOVE for NANA+UVERWORLD and some other random albums that we saw along the way that we wanted to get. i was especially torn between ABINGDON and L'ARC ;__; thats why, in the end, we dint buy anything at all because i wanted to give the money in my coin pouch the benefit of doubt and chang swore to come back to get luna sea. but then we sorta gullible-ly got bought over by the auntie selling gourmet chocs-__- thus ends the very brief summary of our zor-bo adventure at orchard today.

this is an agreement to myself

that i chiong finish all the essays that are due for the application tomorrow so that i can finally relax/leisurely draw for the rest of the weekend leading up to the deadline. of course, if i do, then my dad owes me a treat for winning the bet that i can finish everything on time by fri, and thats enough reward for me. PLUS the added bonus that i can AH HA! in his face for ever doubting that i can do it. actually i finished my video at approx 2am last night, so i had a bit more free time =D feels good to be on the way to FREEDOM freedom, although i also actually thought the same last time, when i quit my job, and a few times before, and it never was real lol. i guess i am in a pretty good mood after completing the video, its a HUGE load off my chest, one that has been contricting and suffocating me since the release of the results. in the credits i added: And most importantly, To all the people who never thought i would achieve anything much, THANK YOU.

piano+drums

= TEH PRO for me this is jaw-dropping. like i said to PANDORA, i listen to the whole day of abingdon+tokyo jihen+shiina ringo+l'arc en ciel+malice mizer le, feeling very jappish now. while scanning+editing+crashing windows movie maker. LOL. nightmare's not bad too.

this randomly showed on mtv today,

and i was immediately mesmerised by it lol. so cool, i had my eyes glued to the tv screen for the whole length of the song. i think it helps that hyde, the vocal, is kinda hot. XDDD not my type though. but his voice DOES has this metallic quality that attracts me =D and their music is just good. a bit... straight though. well at least its their style. though the beginning really reminds me of malice mizer.... as chang says, chang will like it because chang likes vampires~~~ *raises eyebrows*LOL. i bet my mum is wanting to complain about how my music is so noisy and occult lol. she's been around throughout these few days and i blast music when i draw so i dont fall asleep OAO yesterday went to this agency with chang to apply to aussie unis. her, not me. after that trip, i was even more sure that im poor and have no money to study overseas. but for her, and annong (WHO GOT INTO MELBOURNE ALREADY FOR MUSIC), it all sounds veryyy exciting. i also like the fact that u dunneed to go through all the trouble to write essays flattering urself and the sch/answering some generic question as to why ure special, to apply. yup. so far my portfolio looks okay, not WONDERFUL, but i think its only because ive grown to like it after staring at it for so long. my sis says:"wad IS IT with YOU and your FIXATION with HAIR?" i dont really know either=D [/EDIT] SHICH SAYS SHICH LIKES VAMPIRES TOO =S

wad i wna save up for:

DOLLS! DUH. this one www.pullipstyle.com and then a lot of others that i dont mind having.... then when im RICH, this one from latidoll. latidoll.com i think she will be a very good ghost/vampire lol. as anyone can predict already, im gna be very broke spending on dolls. im gna aim to have shelves apon shelves of dolls in my house next time! creepy=cool.

tiredddddd.

must be because of the lack of exercise =((( been using "working on my 3-min vid!" and "quality work" as an excuse to not be very productive lately. suckssss. 3 secs everyday =60 days to a 3-min vid! OMGGGG. this is the start of today's 3 secs of vid: sorry about the low res and watermark, am paranoid about art thieves after seeing the abundance of cases involving artworks from dev art. somehow pple just think leaving the watermark there gives them the right to use and mutilate the works however they wish, so actually leaving a watermark isnt even enough to ward off the copycats with delibrate intentions. esp for me, every single work counts (however small) because i spend a lot of time+effort on the things even when they look simple and clean. trust me, its because i erase a lot.because this is a PENCIL drawing. lots of pple cant understand why i need so much time. for this one, i actually drew out as a sketch the entire proportions of the head and had guidelines for symmetry of the eyes and the nose and the face shape and such. then i erase the rest to fit wad i want to show. it doesnt look so perfect as a fluke! dont believe me? ha. divide the length of the head in two (without the hair) and thats the position i chose for the eyebrows. then, divide the lower portion into thirds and the uppermost line marks the bottom eyelid. from the two-thirds left, divide them again into three and the bottom line is where i chose to put the mouth. there are also many other considerations that i took that just dont show so obviously in the end. she has a long neck because i dint feel like drawing shoulders. and also because it cut out the curve of the neck and made the whole thing appear short=less cool. like most of you may know already, im ANAL. yeah yeah so the secret to the proportions in my drawings is out. and my style. just to prove my point+ to show that i wasn't entirely slacking off. this is not the kind of thing that i invent just to show in my prep work, unlike some other processes that can be faked, LOL. this is wad i do for almost everything. *pant*pant*pant* anyway, all the above is because im frustrated at myself for being so slow+making excuses so i can feel better enough to sleep peacefully tonight. i feel better already =D oh ya i would definitely cut my hair this short if it means it will turn out as cool as how i draw it. but guess chances are that it will not. not seeing certain pple online makes me feel kinda lonely. i am going to swim tomorrow! dont be lazy, its just downstairs from my house! how hard can that be?! speaking of which, the gym is too! dont pretend i dont know! *psycho-es myself in first person* i never talk to myself in real life. [/EDIT] OMG im editing because i spotted typos and grammar mistakes in my own post.

ive been cooped in for so long,

i kinda feel like im running out of steam. not that ive done much, of course. attempting to work on my portfolio full-time like this just shows to light how limited my artistic abilities. often have i felt like i just lack the flair to present wad i want to, and im a bit frustrated by myself because presumably if ure good enough this shouldnt happen. well, guess that just means there's ample room for improvement=) i really want to learn how to illustrate digitally, because im not very good at coloured mediums that take less time. (actually, im not very good at anything that takes less time,given the way i like to work) and i like funky colour matches. this is pretty darn cool. animations by singaporean illutrator eeshaun tracked against the movements of a cellist,pianist and erhu player. happy-happy~

真正的感想已經都被風

被風吹走了 吹得很徹底 漫遊在名字不詳的風景裡 當一朵沒有過去的雲 如果我不是一個晚睡的人，我猜你們永遠不會認識我。 --阿信

cant seem to be really productive,

shit feeling slack!!! argh!! and all ive been reading online abt adm doesnt gimme a good impression... DONGDONG I NEED TO WORK.FAST. if uve been working hard and now just resting a bit, good job and this is for you! this just cracks me up LOL. L wna pull santa's sleigh! and who knows wad raito is planning with that kinda face? the L chibi figurine is just too cute. too bad its 40bucks. and out of stock anyway zong.

im not blog-dead,

im just simply dead-dead. its amazing how my parents can make me feel so totally useless, even though i know where they're coming from. yes all the things that i draw are ugly, because they all stem from ugly thoughts. man's pursuit of beauty has always been a warped obsession of greed, and its clumsy attempts at covering up their innate animalistic behaviour. maybe subconsciously they have already looked through the intricate packaging of its rotting core. this is one of the days when i wake up late, not because of sloth, but out of dread of the new day. one of the days when i would gladly stuff tangles of black long hair down my own throat. hope it passes soon by itself, because there is no one to save me.