laughter meter

to what extent is he/she feigning interest?

so irritating!

i can feel my fuse burning shorter and shorter.

Great minds

often produce more by working less, for with their intellect they search for concepts and form those perfect ideas afterwards they merely express with their hands.

----- Leonardo Da Vinci

what genius.

had to give it a shot.

take it with a pinch of salt, it contradicts itself more than once. well, kinda.

is this what you know of me?

 

Pei Wen is moderately outgoing. Her emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. In fact, she can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. She has the ability to put herself into the other person's shoes.

Pei Wen will be somewhat moody, with highs and lows. Sometimes she will be happy, the next day she might be sad. She has the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. This is because she is in between. Psychology calls Pei Wen an ambivert. She understands the needs of both types. Although they get along, she will not tolerate anyone that is too "far out." She doesn't sway too far one way or the other.

When convincing her to buy a product or an idea, a heart rendering story could mean a great deal to her. She puts herself in the same situation as the person in the story, yet she will not buy anything that seems overly impractical or illogical. Pei Wen is an expressive person. She outwardly shows her emotions. She may even show traces of tears when hearing a sad story.

Pei Wen is a "middle-of-the-roader," politically as well as logically. She weighs both sides of an issue, sits on the fence, and then will decide when she finally has to. She basically doesn't relate to any far out ideas and usually won't go to the extreme on any issue.

 People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Pei Wen doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others. 

 Pei Wen will be candid and direct when expressing her opinion. She will tell them what she thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want her opinion, don't ask for it!

 Pei Wen has an over-awareness of self. She often feels self-conscious. She fears ridicule, therefore she is careful not to place herself in a position to receive any ridicule. She wonders what people will think if she acts in a certain manner. When encountering a new group of people, Pei Wen may stay on the sidelines until she has the people categorized, or she may behave in a "positive attention getting" manner to assure people think good thoughts about her from the start.

In the sales profession, this self-consciousness is called "call reluctance". They take the word "no" as a personal criticism. Therefore, there is an internal struggle when performing this type of work. Although this person may be a great salesperson, she still feels insecurity. She will perform better if someone else is with her because the fear of ridicule from her peers is far greater than the fear of ridicule from her clients. Many times this type of person becomes a sales trainer, because when she is training, she doesn't have to put herself in a position of being told "no" as often as the salesmen do.

 Because Pei Wen has zigzagged shaped 'm' and 'n' hump, Pei Wen is an analytical thinker. Her mind sifts and examines facts. She interprets all facts by separating them, breaking them down, and organizing them from a critical point of view. This pattern of clarifying facts contributes to her strong reasoning ability. Pei Wen's mind is constantly analyzing all situations that she encounters.

 Pei Wen's true self-image is unreasonably low. Someone once told Pei Wen that she wasn't a great and beautiful person, and she believed them. Pei Wen also has a fear that she might fail if she takes large risks. Therefore she resists setting her goals too high, risking failure. She doesn't have the internal confidence that frees her to take risks and chance failure. Pei Wen is capable of accomplishing much more than she is presently achieving. All this relates to her self-esteem. Pei Wen's self-concept is artificially low. Pei Wen will stay in a bad situation much too long... why? Because she is afraid that if she makes a change, it might get worse. It is hard for Pei Wen to plan too far into the future. She kind of takes things on a day to day basis. She may tell you her dreams but she is living in today, with a fear of making a change. No matter how loud she speaks, look at her actions. This is perhaps the biggest single barrier to happiness people not believing in and loving themselves. Pei Wen is an example of someone living with a low self-image, because their innate self-confidence was broken.

 Something is incomplete in Pei Wen's life. She feels frustration relating to her physical needs and desires. Somewhere in her life there is some disappointment, non-fulfillment, and interruption. This is very likely to relate to Pei Wen's sexual needs.

 Pei Wen exaggerates about everything that has a physical nature. Although she may not intend to deceive or mislead, she blows things way out of proportion because that is the way she views them. She will be a good story teller. This exaggeration relates to all areas of her material world. Pei Wen allows many people into her life because she is accepting and trusting. She is sometimes called gullible by her friends. That only really means that she trusts too many people. Pei Wen has a vivid imagination.

here=>http://handwritingwizard.com/report.php

La,

La,La!

When All is Lost

and There is Nothing Left To Celebrate:

Celebrate the Loss!

--Jack Youngblood, A.K.A Martin Constable, A.K.A my funky and a bit crazed drawing prof.

heard from my parents that one of my cousins has plans to marry next year.

one conversation with shawn suddenly comes into mind, and i realise our age gap is not that big after all. my cousin is seven years older, i think. my mind draws a blank when i try and picture what i'ld be like in seven years.

sure, ive got my dreams.

somewhere at the back of my mind i'ld still like to believe in what i did, back in primary school. that a prince who loves me will come sweep me off my feet, and as long as im with him we will live happily ever after. =)

and then there are some despo pple, who seriously irk me, despite how much i can understand their anxiety.

i treasure the times now, where most of what i think about revolves around me, and those that are important to me. ive seen cases where it doesnt happen, even after pple find "their other half", and i think maybe thats the start of tragedy. of course im not saying that everyone should be self-centred all the time. i dont think caring for the pple who are important to you is an act of self-centredness. 

after the juniors' graduating aep exhibition last week, i wondered if i am what i saw myself to be barely a few months ago. if the me from that point of time (that they are in now) would have approved of how im doing now.

the answer was a rather definite no. call me impatient and ambitious, but i was sure i wanted more than just this.

i'ld like to be someone who pushes on even harder in the face of setbacks.

thats not to say, however, that im gna like start to chiong ALL my assignments and email my lecturers regularly and do all my work with the fervent intentness to out-do the rest that drives a lot of the pple around us in the same year on.

i believe in my way.

its nothing that got to do with attitude, its just a way of doing things. im sure there's a better way of putting it across, but that's how i will do it for now, here.

clara would say its a matter of working smart. well, thats not exactly the thing im alluding to, but yeah. maybe.

 

what if,

like a track in a movie background, there are no lyrics to speak of, to hide?

what if all that was needed was someone at the right frequency and attentive enough to take notice.

what if lyrics are only used to conform.

lol no deeper meaning to this, just random lines. dont let your imagination grow too wild eh.

"Untitled" (Perfect Lovers). 1991

Felix Gonzalez-Torres.

Clocks, paint on wall.

"These two identical, adjacent, battery-operated clocks were initially set to the same time, but, with time, they will inevitably fall out of sync. Gonzalez-Torres created this work shortly after his partner, Ross Laycock, was diagnosed with AIDS. By assigning these redundant objects the title 'Untitled' (Perfect Lovers), the artist transformed these public, neutral devices used for the measurement of time into personal and poetic meditations on human relationships, mortality, and time's inevitable flow. Of the light-blue background, Gonzalez-Torres said, 'For me if a beautiful memory could have a color that color would be light blue.' "

i know winnie posted this before a long time ago, but the intricacy of the treatment of subject matter still haunts me.

i am constantly placing and misplacing my things.

finally am home for the weekend, and i havent been home for so long, everyone has been feeding me all kinds of stuff, until i feel so happy and fattttt.

my dad's voice felt so surreal over the phone yesterday when i called, and then i realised i havent talked to him for weeks, nearly a month. just saying the words papa and mummy made me feel suddenly like a little girl again, safe and protected.

like i could always depend on them.

and then i see mummy's newly (or maybe not, i wouldnt know, i havent seen her in so long) sprained ankle, and sombreness sets in. they look much older than i remember.

and papa just finds out his little girl has been exposed to naked! pple in drawing class. he expression is so comical, it feels a bit sad.

my sis is offering me her subway cookies and asking me to cut her hair for her. i feel like a adventurer from one of those animations, where i come back from a long ardous journey that no one understands, but still they enjoy the time when i return. haha. i feel important.

was supposed to write my lit essay, but i havent done anything productive the whole day, and it feels damn good. i havent had time to sit down with myself and talk to my shadow. so suffocated in school.

it seems to make perfect sense that the shadow becomes the manifestation of one's consciousness of self.

lovely imagery.

sometimes i need to get lost in my music playlist to remind myself of who i am. need to pep-talk myself and ask what exactly it is im after now.

what am i saying.

sentosa, anyone?

disenchanted

To free from illusion or false belief; undeceive.  [Obsolete French desenchanter, from Old French, to break a spell : des-, dis- + enchanter, to enchant; see enchant.]